It's a brand new day!: April 2006

Weekends Over...

Wow, what a great weekend!

Seriously!

I have to admit that I was worried about this weekend. Usually, when I have nothing to do on the weekend and I get bored with sitting around the house, I will go hang out with my parents- but with them out of town I was worried that I would find myslef sitting at home thinking about Michael and feeling sorry for myself- but I didn't!

Saturday I ended up hanging out with Pam and Corey most of the afternoon. I of course cleaned my house (my usual Saturday morning ritual) and did my laundry. Around 1 I ventured over to their house and they were outside doing yard work. I didn't think about it, but I could have dressed to help. I ended up hanging out in the yard talking to them while they cut bushes and drug brush around. It was actually breezy and really sunny so it was great weather. We went to lunch and to Wal-Mart to get some things and just piddled around all afternoon between my house and theirs. Beth and Steve came over to their house with alcohol in tow and we we're ready to party! We had a great time. Corey was mixing some kind of drink that had 3 different shots in it and the rest of the cup was filled with pineapple juice. We don't know what it was called, but it was AWESOME. I got a little tanked. Ever heard of Drunk Dialing? Yup- we called Duncan. It was cool though because he is fun when you're drinking. We played some games and stayed up until 1 am having a blast. Of course we all slept there. We didn't get up until 10 and went to Bojangles for some breakfast. Yum!

We cooked out at my parents this afternoon. Their house is bigger and they are out of town so it was nice! I of course had to go and clean because it's been my brothers bachelor pad all weekend- of course he isn't a bachelor- its just a figure of speech. Anyway- after eating at Bojangels, I had to come home shower, run to the grocery store and hurry over there. It was really nice and we had a great time. We sat around playing board games until 5:30. Duncan even came over! I got home around 6:30 and I've just been piddling around the house.

I pampered my self with a bubble bath and now I am going to go watch Desperate Housewives!

G'Night!

Sleepy and Stuff

Last night wasn't bad at all. We didn't get to the car show until a little after 9 and we walked straight to the burnout competetion. It was neat. Sean walked around with us for a little bit, then we headed home. I didn't see anybody I didn't want to see! :-)

I was in bed by Midnight, nice! Except for I didn't drink a drop of alcohol last night and I woke up with the worst headache in the free world. I'm telling you my head is pounding. I took a Motrin and drank some Diet Coke, I hope it lets up soon. Maybe thats why I'm up at 8:30 on a Saturday morning! YUCK!

I've got lots to do today, and it looks like we will be cooking out at my parents house since they are out of town and they have the biggest yard for the dogs to run in. Of course, since this isn't happening until tomorrow afternoon- I've got to go there and do some cleaning either tomorrow morning or this evening. Fun fun!

I'm debating on opening the windows and turning off the air. It's a bit chilly out there right now, but what if it gets hot later? I don't even want to sweat!! Ha! I've got lots of cleaning to do and I just love to crank up the radio and open the windows- gets me in a good mood and the cleaning begins! I've got to have some type of motivation. I'm even going to go to the grocery store today!

Well, I'm just rambling now.

I don't know what we're doing tonight. Pam mentioned getting a little intoxicated over at their house and spending the night- I might have to take them up on that offer! :-)

Have a good One!
A

What to do....

UGH! It's finally Friday! Yeee Haw!

I have to say I had a fairly easy week as far as work goes. I only had to work 3 full days. I went in at 9 this morning and left at 1:30. I love my job! Even though I gout out early, I really didn't get anything done. I hung out with Pam, then we went to her grandparents house and washed her grandpas truck and came home.

The town my parents and Michael live in has a big car show the last Friday of every month. Tonight is the first one of the year. Along with the car show, they have a burn out contest. It's kinda neat. However, my parents have gone to the drag races in Bristol, TN this weekend so they won't be there, I'm still not getting along with my brother and Michael and I aren't together therefore I have no desire to go. I was going to go with Beth and Steve to play mini golf, but decided against it because frankly Beth gets on my nerves about 90% of the time and I have been quite irritabe today. Don't know why. Anyway, I am going to the car show with Pam and Corey. Right now they are eating dinner with Pam's dad for his birthday, then we are heading to the car show. I really didn't want to go because I didn't want to run into Michael, but really- one day I'm going to have to face seeing him in public and possilby with another chick- why not just get it over with?? I'm sure he will be there, oh well!

I really wanted to stay home and feel sorry for myself, but thats no way to be. Really, I would do it -I'm dumb like that. I've just decided that I can't let this bother me too much. I can't let it get the best of me. I've got to just go on with things, let it go and continue to strive to be a better me. (Now I sound like a commercial). In all seriousness, I've got to do things for myself and not wonder what he will think, say or do. I need to get that f**k it attitude I have in gear! Ha ha.

I really don't have much planned for this weekend. I am in desperate need of groceries, but I despise the grocery store. Don't we all? Tomorrow I will probably clean house, grocery shop and work on my study guide for my math final. I don't really want to spend much money this weekend since I am going to Myrtle Beach for Bike Week in the middle of May and I need to have some gas money. I will probably stay home tomorrow night and work on homework and watch movies or something. Who knows! I think we are going to have a little lunch get together with Beka and Aaron on Sunday. That should be fun- lets hope the weather is good. I'm also going to try my hardest to wrap up both of my online classes this weekend. Wish me luck! Then every night next week I can study for my math final, until the big day comes on Thursday! It won't be to bad.

Well, I think I am going to try to catch some sleep while I wait for Pam and Corey. (They'll be here in an hour!) I've been so tried all day, don't know whats gotten into me.

~A

Favorite Things & I HATE rain!

Hey Y'all-

Last night was much better, sure I cried. When will I stop? I hope soon!

I am absolutely loving my new hair color, I feel like its given me confidence or something. Crazy, I know! I actually took the time to style it pretty this morning. I wish I had batteries in my camera, I need to take a picture so y'all can see!

Today, however- is not going to be a good hair day. Why? Because its pouring outside. It did the same thing yesterday. Tomorrow is supposed to be in the upper 70's and 'mostly sunny'. I hope the weather man is right!

Favorite Things

- Noxzema 4 Blade Razors

These things are awesome! They are really wide so it doesn't take as long, and with the 4 blades you get a close, smooth shave. They are a bit pricey at $4.99 for 3- but well worth it!

-McDonalds Fish Sandwich

I don't know why, but lately I've been craving one of these! I try not to eat them very often as they aren't exactly healthy!

- My Nephew- Bo!

He is getting soooo big! This picture was taken 2 weeks ago. Notice his sock? He carries it with him almost everywhere he goes!

-Old Navy Flip Flops

I love these too! They are only 2 for $5 and they come in almost every color. I have pink, blue and black this year. Last year I think I had almost every color!

-Tylenol PM

This is some awesme stuff. I take it when I have a lot on my mind that is going to keep me awake all night, it works wonders!

That's all for now!

Back to work-
~A

What A Week!

I have to admit, this has been a crazy week!

The next couple of weeks coming up are going to be even craizer!

I am so glad I stayed home yesterday, I got a lot done around the house that I probably wouldn't have gotten done this weekend with finals creeping up. I just finished folding the last of my laundry and when I'm done typing this post- I'm actually going to put it away- go me!

Granted I've only been single for 24 hours, but it feels good. It's nice to know I don't have anything to worry about. You know what I mean? I don't have to care what he does. Sure I do, but I don't have to as his girlfriend anymore! I feel like this giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I was leaving work today and found myself not worrying about what I was going to do tonight, because my plans are wide open! Woo Hoo! I don't have to plan my days, weekends, or evenings around someone who doesn't really seem to care if he sees me or not. It's great!

I can't lie and say it's been all that good. I miss him already, tons. I was brushing my teeth this morning and saw his tooth brush, I was in the shower a little while ago and I saw his loofah, then I opened the closet in the hallway to grab a towel and his sweatshirt was hanging there, I turn around to walk into the bedroom and there are our prom pictures from every single year we went hanging on the wall. After I got dressed, I started folding laundy and I came across some of his clothes, I went to the fridge to get a drink and there was a picture of him hanging up. It's hard. I really want to take the pictures down, throw out the toothbrush and loofah and give him back his clothes, but I'm not ready. I know that sounds dumb- but I don't want to remove every memory of him just yet. The sweatshirt, I don't know if I can part with that- its so comfy! Ha ha. I'm dumb, I know. I don't want to throw out pictures, I just need to put them away. And the loofa and toothbrush? I'm just to lazy to throw them out because they will fill up the trash can in the bathroom and then I will have to empty that!

I have a lot coming up in the next couple of weeks. My grandparents are coming down for a couple of weeks, there's the Gretchen Wilson/Trace Adkins concert, the premiere of the movie Cars at Lowe's Motor Speedway, The Nextel Allstar Race, Bikeweek at Myrtle Beach, Finals, Summer Classes start.....where am I going to find the time!?!?

Well, I'm off to watch American Idol and put away my laundry! I can't wait to post my favorites tomorrow!

Ash

It's done...

I went and got my hair done this afternoon. I always spend money when I'm upset about something. It looks good though, of course my mom is going to have a cow- she hates it when I mess with the color of my hair. I got red and blonde highlights. I like it.

I decided that if I was going to do it- I needed to make sure we we're face to face. I didn't have a plan, I just left the beauty shop and headed there. I got there right at 5, and by 5:15 he was there. I was standing in the kitchen getting a drink when he came in. I asked him if he was planning on coming up tonight, and he said "No, I'll tell you why." I immediately wanted to know why, but he told me that since his little sister was there- he would rather step outside. We walked outside and around the house to the front porch. We sat down and he got this look on his face. He told me that he doesn't want to do this anymore, that when we we're talking on Thursday night he realized that this was something he needed to do. We've been together to long and he can't give me what I want right now, he told me that he doesn't see it going anywhere and he would like to end it. I am so proud of myslef because I didn't shed a tear. We sat there and talked and he said he wanted to maintain our friendship because we've always had a great one. He also said he wanted to wait 2 weeks before we tried to talk again, to give it time. The only thing that makes me mad is he beat me to it! We we're thinking the same thing and he beat me to it! I really feel good about it. I am very glad he still wants to maintain our friendship, and I definately think it is something we are both very capable of. He told me that he loves me and he always will, I think thats the point where I wanted to start crying. He had really done some thinking and he said he just feels like he's wasting my time.

I'm excited that I don't have to worry about it anymore. I feel like he has freed me from worrying. I know I will still worry, but at least I heard it from him. You know what I mean?? He was my world for the last 5 1/2 years, those were the most impressionable years of my life, he will always matter to me.

Well, I am sure I will cry myself to sleep tonight and a couple other nights this week- but before long it will be over and I will be ok!

-A

I'm Working On It...

I stayed home from work today. I guess because I had all this on my mind I didn't sleep at all last night. I woke up feeling even more tired then I was when I went to sleep. I just now got up and took a shower. I really thought he would call me last night like he was supposed to, but he didn't. UGH.

I have a plan for today! I'm going to clean my house from top to bottom. I am going to get rid of all his stuff. Toothbrush, pictures, loofah (shower thing). I know it seems minascule, but it has to be done. I have our prom pictures up in the hallway and as much as I don't want to take them down, I think I should. I am going to clean, clean, clean. Strip the bed sheets, organzie the closets, wash all the laundry, and dust the living room. (It needs it bad)

I have to do something to keep from thinking about this. It's hard to explain how I am feeling because this is something that I want really badly to do, but something I don't want for us. I know it needs to be done and I have to do it. I have to start doing things for myslef and quit thinking about him- its not fair to either one of us. He doesn't have the guts or balls to end it- someone has to. There is one interesting fact today, he goes to the orthodontist next to my apartment building. I believe he has an appointment over there at 10:30. I'm not completely sure, but if he does- I wonder what he will do when he sees my car sitting in the driveway, will he stop or call? Will he even look over here?

UGH! I am going to get a move on today. House is a mess because I didn't do a thing here all weekend.

~A

New Stuff & I'm Taking A Poll

If your new to my blog and would like some background information without reading every post since Janurary, check out 'Background Information' in the right sidebar. Start with Part 1 and when you finish Part 3 you should have a pretty good idea of who I am and whats been going on.

More recent things:

I'm done. Done with Michael that is. I'm ready. I'm ready to take the leap and get rid of him. I am very serious about this. I have one problem though- how to do it? This is what gets me everytime I decide I need to do this. (This is the 100th time). Should I call him and tell him, should I tell him face to face, in a letter, just not tell him and see what happens?

I am seriously lost here. In the past, when I've decided not to even speak to him- it will go on for a month- then he will call me and tell me how much he misses me, blah blah. When I ask him why he let it go so long without calling- he always says "The phone works both ways." Whatever!

I've made this decision with the best of intentions. I went walking with Beth this evening and rode with her to do her laundry so she would have company. I had time to do plenty of thinking. I have all these doors open to me, yet I'm filling up all my opportunities with one loser. Seriously. I'm young, I live by myself, I go to college, I have a great full time job, and I drive a brand new car. The only thing I am missing is a big hearted loveable man. I will find him, but Michael certainly isn't it! After 5 1/2 years I feel like this is just a time bomb waiting to explode. I don't want it to be ugly, and I think thats my biggest fear. I love his family and they are crazy about me too. I hate to end something that I really thought in my heart was forever, but suddenly it changed. I don't want to give anyone the impression that i've been "putting" up with his crap for the last 5 1/2 years, the first 3 1/2 were great, its the last 2 that had the really low moments. I've had enough and I don't want to deal with it anymore. It's causing me more stress, and he doesn't seem to care.

So- if you can tell, I am looking for help! How should I do this. I want to end it and that be it. I don't want to fight, I don't want to go back and forth, I want it to be over and done with. I want to move on.

Help!

CAUTION: Deep Thinking Ahead!

Remember in my 'What I Want' post I talked about re-evaluating my choices? Well- I have something to add to that one. I want to include Michael on this 'want'. I want to be sure that when I make a decision for him or dealing with him its what I really want. Does that make sense?

I have to be honest in saying that I know this endless game we're playing with each other eventually will either go one way or the other. Good or Bad. I know that, but for some reason I am still "playing". Honestly, I know that I am setting my self up for disappointment in the end- but I also believe that the way I love him isn't one sided. I blame a lot of the way he is or acts on the fact that he is a man. That might be true, but he's not dumb and he knows what he's doing to us/me when he make the decisions and choices that he does.

On to this weekend and more current events:

I had fun with Beth last night. I ended up not going riding in the mountains in the Jeeps with my brother and our PA friends. My brother his this huge personality flaw we will call ASSHOLE. He acts like we're 12 again when he has friends around and tries to degrade me in everyway possible. The more I am around him when he is acting like this, the more I hate him- and hate is an ugly word. He brings out the worst in me sometimes. Anyway- all of his friends backed out on him last night, but only because he knew since everyone else decided not to go- I wouldn't have anything to do- they should go and leave me hanging high and dry without any plans. Thanks asshole! I didn't act mad or anything. When he announced that they would be going anyway it was simply "to bad" that I couldn't go I said "Well, I've got stuff to do at home." That wasn't the reaction he was hoping for so he egged me on. I just got up and walked out. I called Beth on the way home and cried my eyes out. I didn't want to call Michael and suggest we get together to do something last night because I already told him to go do what he wanted. So, Beth and I went and watched Ice Age 2: The Meltdown. It was so good. We really had a great time. I got home at 11 last night which is early for a Saturday night- but it was nice for a change.

On a side note: I've seen Michael every day by coincidence. Friday night at the gas station and yesterday at his parents business. (Didn't know he was there- none of his vehicles were in the parking lot). Anyway- he hasn't called about Tuesday night. I wonder if he even will. I wish I had some willpower- cause then I wouldn't even care and I could just walk away if he broke another promise. I need to work on that. I guess I will be putting 'willpower' on my list.

I'm off to eat breakfast with Pam and Corey who have been on vacation all week. Then I think I will ride to my parents house and wash my car. I am going to have to come back here sometime today and clean my house- I haven't done a thing in it all weekend!

~A

Excuse Yesterdays Rant

I will have to ask you to excuse the rant I went on last night.

In all reality, I know nothing is going on with him and Gary's sister. I don't know why it makes me so mad still. UGH! Sometimes being a girl and being emotional isn't worth it.

I have to give him the benefit of the doubt and see if he calls this weekend like he said. Last night when we we're in the gas station Karrie told Michael that he had to visit her this weekend and he made it sound like he would do that tonight. He said "Well, you'll be here tomorrow won't you?" It doesn't mean he will, but there's a chance.

We don't have anything extremely exciting to do today. We are going to the mall today and riding the Jeeps in the mountains later. I will definately have to take some pictures to post. I've been slack about that lately. (My camera is still at my parents house.)

I drove Scott's jeep with the doors and windows out up the mountain yesterday and to the boat landing. Him and Karrie followed us in the motorcylce. We took Bo (Scott's Great Dane) to the boat landing and let him swim- he was sooo cute. I wish I would have brought the camera. He is such a care free dog. We would throw a stick in and he would go running into the water like it was nothing.

Well, I'm getting ready to leave the house for the day. It's raining here right now. ICK!

Have a good Saturday!
A

Teeny Bit Upset

Alright, I had a great night with my friends that are here from Pennsylvania. We went to eat at 'Quaker Steak & Lube' (its a restaurant), then we rode around and had some fun. I really had to pee and we we're right by the mall so we decided to go to this gas station. Well I walk into the gas station and who do I see there? ? Michael with his pot head friend Gary. Yup. It didn't so much bother me that he was with Gary....what bothered me that it was Gary, his fiance, Michael and Gary's much older sister. I was with my 2 friends from PA, Sean, Scott and Karrie. I know in my heart that nothing is going on, but I wonder what people that know us think when they see Michael going to the movies with another guy and 2 chicks and they don't see me? That's way really bothers me. He wasn't even dressed nice, he did talk and he even said goodbye. I knew he was going out with Gary tonight, but it still bothered me. UGH! I know nothing is going on, she's like 1.5 feet taller then him (seriously- we're both a little more then 5 ft tall). I am sure he doesn't like it that I go out with his brother every weekend, and that Sean pays for everything and hangs all over me. I guess I get what I get. Sean even said he was sure that I had nothing to worry about, and if anyone knows him Sean does. We're experts when it comes to Michael.

I heard this song on the radio on my way home.....I bet I'll be singing it sometime soon. If I do what I know I need to do! (Just imagine it's a chick singing it!) Funny thing is Michael has a red vette, song fits us pretty good!

Everytime I Hear Your Name

By Keith Anderson

Fin'lly got over that song of ours; stopped chasin' little red sports cars,To check the license plates an' back wood drivin' by your place.Back makin' the rounds at our old haunts: Honky Tonks, restaurants.An' seein' some of our old friends: it feels good to dance again.An' I can fin'lly smell your perfume an' not look around the room for you.An' I can walk right by your picture in a frame an' not feel a thing.

But when I hear your name,I feel rain fallin' right out of the blue sky.An' it's the fifth of May, an' I'm right there starin' in your eyes.An' nothin's changed, an' we're still same.An' I get lost in the innocence of a first kiss,An' I'm hangin' on to every word rollin' off of your lips:An' that's all it takes, an' I'm in that place,Every time I hear your name.

Got someone special in my life: everyone thinks she'd make a great wife.Dad says he thinks she's the one: reminds him of Mom when she was young,But it's way too soon to be talkin 'bout rings; don't wanna rush into anything.She's getting over someone too, kinda like me an' you.An' she talks about him every once in a while, an' I just nod my head an' smile,'Cause I know exactly what she's goin' through: yeah, I've been there too.

An' when the conversation turns to you,I get caught in a "you were the only one for me",Kinda thought, an' your face is all that I see.I know I can't go back when I still go back.An' there we are, a point down by the riverside,An' I'm in your arms about to make love for the first time,An' that's all it takes, an' I'm in that place,Every time I hear your name.

So I'm thinkin' 'bout the words I left unsaid.(Every time I hear your name.)Stop tryin' the change the things I can't change.(Every time I hear your name.)In my heart I know you're gone, but in my head...

I feel rain fallin' right out of the blue sky.An' it's the fifth of May, an' I'm right there starin' in your eyes.That's all it takes, an' I'm in that place.An' there we are, a point down by the riverside,An' I'm in your arms about to make love for the first time.An' I can't explain, but I'm in that place,Every time I hear your name.Every time I hear your name.(Every time I hear your name.)Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.(Every time I hear your name.)Ah ah.Every time I hear your name.

Good Night- FINALLY!

Ok, well earlier tonight I was scared about meeting Michael. Read the post.

Turns out I had nothing to be scared of.

He met me right on time. He was driving a friends truck because he has to inspect it tomorrow at work. One thing that bothered me was that he didn't get out of the truck the entire time we we're there. He did hug me and kiss me- but all without getting out of the truck. It was obvious that he was tired, and I have to hand it to him - he does work long hours.

We had good conversation. We talked about a lot of stuff. I told him in a nice way how I hate it when he doesn't do what he says he's going to do. He was in a really good mood and everything went very well. He said he wants to start spending more time together. We'll see.

He also said he was going to call this weekend and let me know if he's going to come spend the night with me on Tuesday evening. I hope he does. I pretty much told him that I hate being alone and without him next to me and that I can't do much more of it. I also told him if he wanted out he just needed to say it. He made jokes with me about it - then he looked at me and said that the past 5 1/2 years have been no mistake. It made me feel good. We finally left around 11 pm.

There was a cop with his blue lights on the way he was turning so I waited a few minutes and called him to be sure he got home ok. (The truck he was driving won't pass inspection- so I was afraid he might have gotten a ticket.) Anyway, he said there was just a car pulled over and he was fine. While I had him on the phone I told him that he didn't have to come up on Tuesday, but I would really like it if he did. He got chipper all of a sudden and said "Well, I'm sure I'll be there. I will definately let you know this weekend." His week coming up always depends on his work schedule for this weekend. I don't want him to come up if he is beat and has worked a 13 - 14 hour day- we just fight. I know that one day if we stay in this I will have to get used to that, but for now and for the purpose of this relationship- I like our space.

I've him and deep down I now that we still have that bond we used to have. Now, we just have to see if we have that 'everlasting love' that will pull us through the toughest of times.

We'll see.

I'm off to bed now. I have a very busy weekend coming up. My brothers girlfriend and 2 of our other friends are coming down from PA tomorrow. They should actually be on there way right now and here sometime in the morning. It should be a fun and exciting weekend. Sure hope I get a phone call from that man I love!

Night-
A

I'm Soooooo Scared

Update to below post:
He called! He called! He called! Wanna know why I'm so excited? He cared enough to call. The phone rang right at 8:05. I figured it was either my mom or Beth calling to wish me luck. Nope- it was him. I swear when I saw his number on the caller id my heart went straight to my throat- I figured it was him calling to cancel. Nope, here's how the conversation went:

Me: Hello

Him: Hey! (He sounded excited)

Me: Hey, whats up?

Him: Are you out of school yet?

Me: Yes. (I didn't want to tell him that because I was afraid he would say 'Don't drive back out here)

Him: Oh. Well, is it OK if we meet at 9 instead? I just got home and I am getting ready to eat dinner.

Me: Yeah, thats fine. You going to take a shower too?

Him: Yeah, I'm nasty. Be there between 9 and 9:15 OK?

Me: OK

Him: Hey- I love you.

Me: I love you too.

I was so excited. I don't know why because thats the things a boyfriend should do- but I was estatic. Heck- I still am. This means he is going to be there! Y'ay! Now I just have to figure out what to say to him. I love him so much. It sucks feeling 'disconnected' from him.

I should tell you that the reason I am meeting him is so that we can talk uninterrupted. We meet in this church parking lot back of the road and just sit in my car and talk. It's great really. There are no interruptions- unless our cell phone rings, and we never answer them when we do. I know it sounds wierd, but being at his house sucks because of his younger sister, and at my house people just stop by without calling. This way we have no interruptions. I like it.

I'm scared that he's going to let me down. I'm scared that I am actually going to see that he doesn't care about my feelings. I'm scared of loosing everything I know. I'm scared to death....

Of all nights- my teacher lets us out of our class 2.5 hours early!!!! UGH! I so wanted to be there right up until 8:15 and leave in time to be fashionably late meeting Michael...but noooo. She went over 2 sections of the textbook and I still got home at 7 pm! What's this mean you ask? Well, this means that I now have to drive 10 friggin' miles out of my way to meet Michael and if he doesn't show up I will have wasted my expensive $2.85 per gallon gasoline in my brand new car, and added another 20 miles to the odometer! UGH!

I got home at 7 and took a shower to try and relax. I am eating Peaches n' Cream Yoplait Whips and typing this post. I was going to dress nice (jeans, t-shirt, running shoes) to meet him, but I settled on some Gap jogging pants, a pink t-shit and pink flip flops. I've got to be comfy!

I'd like you all to know that I am not the only one on 'edge' tonight- take some time to visit So Gone who is having man problems as well. Now, I hate to admit it- but she is doing exactly what I should be doing.

Well, I have 30 minutes until I need to leave. Maybe I will cruise the web. I still have to do my hair, nothing fancy - but i've got to get it out of this towel! :-)

Happy Toughts!

A

Favorites & Today SUCKS!

OK, well today sucks! I am in the worst mood possilbe. I guess its because I'm on edge contemplating talking to Michael tonight. I almost want to call him and cancel meeting him so he doesn't have a chance to stand me up. It's not that I think he will, because he has never told me he would meet me somewhere and then just not show up, but then again there is a first time for everything. UGH! I've got to quit worrying about it and just hope for the best. You know what they say 'If its meant to be, it will find a way'. I just hope it's true- too bad it can't be painless.

On to my favorites......

Purell Hand Sanitizer Pal

I bought this for my desk at work and I love it. Its really nice because I hate germs **who doesn't?, anyway- It's cute and convenient. When the bottle runs out it pops out and you can purchase a refill for like $5.

Pink Merona Heels from Target

I bought these last year on clearance for $7.99. Last week my mom and I were browsing the shoe isle at Target and saw them for $17.99. I love them, they're comfortable and cute for Spring! I wore them today for my meeting with some black dress pants and a cute pink top.

My Car- 2006 Scion TC

This of course isn't a picture of my car that's currently sitting in my driveway, but it is exactly like it. My favorite part is the sunroof, but the reclining rear seats are a close second!

Yoplait Whips Yogurt

This stuff is soooo yummy! I am not one that really cares for yogurt, but this stuff has a light and fluffy texture to it thats almost like whipped cream. I'ts good and I don't believe its very fattening.

Crystal Light On-The-Go Packets

If your dieting, I highly reccomend these! They are '0' points for you Weight Watchers people. I keep a supply of water in the trunk of my car and a box of these in my desk drawer- always comes in handy!

That's all for now. Wish me luck tonight.

~A

Meme and More!

Oh my goodness- I just typed a really long post and I lost it when I went to preview it! I hit recover post and only 1/2 the post showed up. SUCKS!

Here I go again...

This week hasn't been all that bad. I figured Tuesday and Wednesday (today) would completely suck because I am anticipating talking to Michael on Thursday. It really hasn't been that bad. Tuesday I worked, then stopped by school to make up a test, and came home in time to watch American Idol and get in bed by 9:30. Today I worked as usual, then went to dinner with my parents, came home and did some stuff around the house and watched Idol and now I am getting ready for bed. I have got a lot done around the house tonight in the small amount of time I've been home. I washed 2 loads of laundry. 1 is put away already (GO ME) and the other is in the dryer currently drying. I will get to it tomorrow night. Tomorrow at work is going to be so boring. I love my job, but when there isn't anything to do- it sucks! I did a lot of organizing today and petty things to keep me busy. I am sure tomorrow will be the same. I do have a meeting in the morning about fiscal year end, that should be interesting. Maybe it will make the morning go by quicker! After work I have school, then I am going to meet Michael at 8:30. Fun fun. I am addicted to 'The OC' and I am definatley going to miss it tomorrow night if Michael shows up. On Monday when I talked to him, I told him that I needed time and wouldn't talk to him this week, I would just plan on meeting him at 8:30 unless I heard different from him. Thats the plan and he better show up!! I'd hate to have to kick some ass.

I have added a new reader to my Blogroll, Rabid Fun apparently has a daughter like me working towards her A.A. Thanks for the comment!

On the the Meme. I got this from Fantastagirl.....

"6 Wierd Things About Me"

1. I will not use the wrinkled piece of toilet paper left after the person before you in a public restroom. You know what I'm talking about? The piece they held on to so they could tear their toilet paper off? Yeah that one- well I do not use it- I tear it off and throw it in the toilet.

2. I have to follow the same exact routine every single morning or I will be extrememly late. I've even tried changing my routine and getting up earlier, it doesn't work. I have been doing this routine for so long that if I don't do it my whole morning is screwed up which ends up screwing up my whole day. Needless to say- I never vear from my routine unless its an emergency situation!

3. I hate clutter and no matter what I am doing I will stop to fix anything that is bothering me. This might be my obsessiveness showing, but I could have my hands completely full and running out the door- if the carpet is wrinkled or there are shoes laying in the hallway- I will stop whatever it is I am doing and fix it- otherwise it will bother the living crap outta me!

4. I feel a need to blog and comment every day. It's like I feel this loyalness to my blogging buddies. I make myself blog and comment every single day. If I miss a day of blogging and/or commenting I feel like i've let someone down.

5. When I park my car in a public parking lot, I will walk completely around it before getting in. I have this huge fear that someone backing out of another spot my have hit it. God help them if they hit my brand new car! I'd have to kick some a$$!

6. I despise cooking. I used to love cooking until I lived by myself. I guess its because I am generally cooking for 1, then I have to clean up and put up leftovers (I refuse to throw out perfectly good food).

Well, thats it for now. I'm going to bed.

~A

Update to 'What I Want' and More...

I'm wanted to update my "What I Want" list. I've read over it and decided that I don't want to 're-post' the entire thing. I will give the heading and the update. If you would like to read my list go here.

To catch up on the Michael drama, read last nights post here.

Here we go:

1. Loose Weight
I am making progress. We've decided to start going to Weight Watchers in the evenings on Tursday nights. We're not going to start until the Fall because of school.
2. Finish my Associates Degree
I am only 3 classes away from graduation so far! WOO hoo! I have 3 science classes to take, then I am done! I am looking forward to graduating in the Spring or Summer of 2007. It's really not that far away.
3. Repaint my Hallway
Nothing new.
4. Finish my Bathroom
Nothing new.
5. Re-Arrange my Bedroom and LEAVE it for more then 2 months!
I did re-arrange my bedroom this weekend, and I like the new layout very much! Of course it hasn't been 2 months- we'll see how that goes...
6. Let GO of my flaws. (Quit being so hard on myself)
I'm working on this. I have been in a better mood lately, other then the usual PMS!
7. Get out of this "relationship"
Don't know where I am in this process. I never know where I am. I will work on it- I promise!!
8. Pay off my Debts
I'm working on it- I have my spreadsheets that give my what I have to pay. I'm overaly organzied sometimes!
9. Organize my Life and Surroundings better
I did organize my cabinets this weekend! I havne't worked on my stuff at my Mom's yet. I will soon!
10. Re-Evaluate My Choices
I don't know if I can ever say that I have tackled this one. One thing I think is important, I should think before I speak and agree to do something I really don't want to do. I tend to do that just to make the other person happy- it's gonna have to stop!!

I have to go take a test after school tonight, fun fun! I am definately going to be home in time to watch American Idol.

Have a good one-A

My Drama SUCKS!

OK. So Michael was supposed to come up last night after he got done doing whatever it was he was doing. I talked to him at 2 and he said he would call and let me know for sure.....he never called. It hurts so bad when he says he is going to do something and he doesn't.

On my way home tonight I called Sean and we were talking and at the end of the conversation I asked him if Michael was there, to which he responded "Yes". I said "Oh, good. Hand him the phone please." Michael responds with "No, Can't talk now." Oh no he didn't. I was pulling in my Mom's driveway behind her and my attitude peaked. I told her I had to go take care of this and I would call her later.

I drove stragiht to his house. I'm not afraid of pissing him off anymore. Of course he had every excuse in the book as to why he didn't call last night and why he wouldn't take my call today! FUCKER, I'm so done with this shit.

I've invested far to many years of my life into this 'relationship' with him to have it turn out like this. I'd rather not walk away now because I hove so much invested, but how much can 1 person take? I mean really?? He said he would meet me at 8:30 on Thursday night so we could talk. All I have to say is- he better be there!

I made him fully aware that if he isn't there, consequences will be had. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep wondering what my future will hold. I want to be like Fantastagirl, Beth, Heather, Brighton, and Taylor. I want to be able to blog about my husband and kids one day. At the rate we're going we'll never get there!

Here's a snip of conversation for you, some of you will be very proud of me:

Me: Tell me what's going on?

Him: I just don't want to grow up in every sense of the word right now.

Me: Oh, so I'm supposed to be doing what I've been doing the last 5 years and just go to school and work my ass off for a masters degree so you and 'grow up' and support you? I think not.

Him: *Sigh*

He just looked at me and shook his head.

He did kiss me and hug me goodbye.

Drama follows, but I may have a new friend to keep me entertained. He's really really nice, bad news is- he's Michael's neighbor. It's ok though, I'm definately not looking for anything major right now!

Favorite Things (Making up for Thurs.)

I posted my weekend rundown yesterday. Check it out.

Since I wasn't at work on Thursday due to circumstances beyond my control, I am posting my favorite things today!

Favorite Things:

Campbell's Chicken Noodle & Goldfish Soup

Last week, (after having my wisdom teeth removed) I became addicted to this stuff. I haven't checked the WW points values, which I need to do! This stuff is yummy so if you have munchkins, check it out!

Logitech Coordless Optical Mouse .

I got this for my office at work. I love it! It has a base station for charging, so in all reality it's not completely cordless because the base station has a USB and power cord. It's great though, really fits to the shape of you hand so it's comfortable to use.

Old Navy PJ Bottoms

These are soooo comfortable. I bought them on sale for $6.99. I should have bought 6 pairs!!!

Tone Exotic Fusions Body Wash "Wild Rose & Coconut"

The one I'm talking about is in the pink bottle on the right. This stuff smells awesome and leaves you feeling squeaky clean. Yesterday in church I could smell it on my skin, thats how strong it is! LOL

Thats all for now!

Happy Monday,

Ashley

Happy Easter (Weekend Rundown)

Hope everyone is having a great Easter! I thought I would give the weekend rundown tonight, seeing as how tomorrow I will probably be really busy at work.

Friday
Went to Mom and Dad's to see what Scott was getting into. NOTHING. He went to bed at 6. Stopped by Michael's to visit with him for a bit, and he was in bed- so was Sean. I got home around 7:30 and waited on Pam and Corey to call. They called around 8:30 and we went to their house to fix tacos and watch tv. We even made a late night run to Wal*Mart. Nothing exciting.

Saturday
I really got a lot accomplised on Saturday. I put all my laundry away!!! GO ME! I even organzied my closets! Now my tank tops are seperated from my button downs, and my t-shirts. My capris, jeans and dress pants are also seperated. LOL. I'm a dork! About lunch time I rode to my parents house and my mom helped me wash and wax my car. It looks so good. I came back home around 5 and did absolutely nothing. I rode to Beth's parents house to visit with her and them for a bit, then I went to Michaels. We rode the motorcycles to Applebee's with his parents for supper last night. The weather was perfect for riding, although I did get some bug guts on my pretty white jacket! We rented "In Her Shoes" with Cameron Diaz, thats a great movie! I got home around 1 am and crashed.

Sunday (Easter)
I had the hardest time getting out of bed this morning. I had the alarm set for 10 so I would have enough time to get ready, but as usual I didn't get up until 10:15 and I really needed to leave here by 10:30 to get to church on time. Needless to say we we're late, but only by about 10 minutes and the choir was still talking. Afterwards we went to Michael's and ate lunch and watched Horsepower tv, his version of Sunday morning cartoons. I just got home from there. I think I am going to re-arrange my bedroom and take a nap. I'm thinking about going to the movies to see "Benchwarmers" or "Ice Age: The Meltdown". I haven't decided yet! I asked Michael if he would come up tonight and he said "I don't know". What's that mean? That he might find something better to do? UGH! Well see. Either way, I won't really be bummed. I'm so tired right now that I could sleep until tomorrow morning!

Well, I'm off to start my re-arranging process and get some laundry in the washer.

'Hoppy' Easter!
Ashley

Weekend's Here!

Updated 4/14 @ 7:08 pm. Updates are below in Red.

I've been pretty good today. Got up early and went to my eye doctor's appointment. I needed it! Apparently my prescription has completely changed- I had to get new lenses for my glasses and I have to wear them pretty much all the time. Bummer! I can't do contacts- sticking my fingers in my eyes makes me want to hurl.

After the eye doctor I ran to the mall. I picked up a digital camera bag my dads been wanting for his birthday. I also ran into Forget Me Not and got a card for him and a picture frame for my mom for Mothers Day. It's really cute! Then I went in Old Navy and got some 2 for $10 tanks. Yippee! I was outta there by 11:30 and on the way home.

I've been cleaning pretty much all afternoon, but I've got a lot to do this weekend.
Things to do this weekend:
1. Clean Kitchen Completely- Dishes, Cabinets, Fridge, Floors (they’re next!)
Done! The dishes are washed and put away, trash is out. The floors are swept and mopped. I even cleaned out and organized the cabinets and fridge! (Just means I have to go grocery shopping now)
2. Take all the trash out!
Kinda. I forgot to empty the trash in the bathroom, but it's not full yet. There's always tomorrow. I of course had to stop by Food Lion and pick up some trash bags, never fails- when you are cleaning you always run out of something!
3. Do all the laundry. (I've only done 1 load today, ugh I better get a move on!)
Almost. One load in the dryer and one in the washer. Goodness, its only Friday- I'm impressing myself!
4. Put all the laundry away. (I have 2 baskets sitting on the floor from last week that need to be put away)
I've decided to move this to tomorrows list!
5. Re-arrange bedroom. I have a plan for my bedroom and I plan to do it this weekend. I will definitely have to take lots of pictures.
Tomorrow or Sunday- don't know yet. Heck- I might even do it tonight!
6. Dust the living room. My living room is fairly clean because I re-arranged it last week, but it needs some dusting.
Not yet. I will do it though.
7. Clean the bathroom. Floors need it the most.
Close. I've swept and mopped the floor, but I haven't lifted a finger on the shower/tub or the sink and toilet. Tommorow is another day!
Once all my chores are done, I might self indulge in a movie on Sunday afternoon! :-)

Tonight I think a bunch of us are going to go out to eat, don't know yet.NOPE. Stopped at my parents house and my brother was in bed, stopped at Michaels, him and Sean were in bed. It was only 6! I know them, they will all sleep until tomorrow morning. That's ok with me though- I'm waiting on Pam and Corey to be ready and we are going to run some errands and fix tacos at their house. I have no plans for the rest of the weekend. Michael is working on getting his truck tore apart and put back together this weekend, so I am sure one day I am going to have to go over there and sit in the yard in my lawn chair and read a magazine, he likes me to keep him company. It's nice though because we're usually all alone and we talk and get to spend some 'quality' time together- even if he is greasy up to his elbows.

I'm definately going to church with Michael's family on Sunday. I don't do the whole Easter dress thing. I will probably wear my black dress pants with some sort of Easter colored shirt. I will figure something out.

Well, I'm off to start my chores!

Crazy, Crazy Day!

Do you ever have a plan for your day, like you know whats going to happen- then suddenly that plan is destroyed, it doesn't happen? That's what happened to me today!

Starting with last night, got home in time to see Bucky kicked off Idol. Can't say I agree with that, but then again I don't stay up all night voting- so I can't be picky. Anyway, I got in bed around 10 and was out. No tossing or Turning. I wake up at 12:15 am wide eyed. I layed in bed for about 20-30 minutes and I was out again. I wake up at 4 am, dry mouth, aching gums, wide awake. Well, I have nothing to drink in my fridge- so at 4 am I make Kool-Aid. Yum! I stumble back into the bedroom and surf the web for a bit. Back in bed by 4:30. Can't sleep. I layed in bed and stared at the clock until 5 am. I jumped in the shower and was out of the house by 5:45. I stopped by McDonald's and picked up breakfast for the rest of the family and I was off to my parents. I got there at 20 after 6 and they were all in bed. Of course, I woke them all up. Today was my Dad's 50th Birthday! He got Hot Coffee and Good Breakfast, I believe he was pleased. Mom and I left around 6:45 for work since we were ready. We were pulling into the university at 7:30 and my brother calls. He's getting ready for work and was watching the news- good thing. There was breaking news that there was an explosion at the University. We drove around campus, and sure enough there were firetrucks and emergency vehicles everywhere. My mom and I work in 2 different buildings and the explosion was right behind the building I work in. We parked and walked to her building. We get to the door and realize there is no power in the building. We had to climb 4 flights of stairs to get to her office. When we finally get there we decide to walk across campus to my office and see if we can see anything. Well, they had my building locked down and you couldn't get anywhere near the scene. Long story short, they didn't send us home with pay until 10 am. Now, I could have left when my buidling was locked and I couldn't get in, but I rode with Mom and she had to stay. I didn't mind. We got to hang out. They haven't restored the power to several buildings on campus, and mine is one of them- so I am out of work tomorrow. Unfortunately- Mom has to go. The story we're hearing is that the power went out sometime around 4 am and when Facilites people got there and realized it 5 campus electricians went underground to work on the switch that malfunctioned. They had just crawled out of the whole when some sort of flash fire occured and created the explosion. 1 man is in Chapel Hill at the Burn Center in Critical Condition, 2 others are in Serious condition at CMC Charlotte, and 2 were treated and released at CMC University. It's reallly sad, especially on Easter weekend.

I went to the Oral Surgeon today for my post op. Everything is healing well. Y'ay.

I had my 'Favorite Things' post all thought out, but all the pictures are saved on my computer at work. Maybe I will post it late on Monday! Sorry!

Congrats to Taylor who has just announced she and hubby are expecting baby number 2!

I have an eye doctors appointment in the morning. I get to sleep in a little bit, don't have to emerge until 8 am to be there on time- don't worry I already took at Tylonel PM, I'm gonna sleep until 8 am.

I talked to Sean (Michael's Brother) on the way home tonight. I havne't talked to him in a while. It was nice- he is the more grounded one and he always has good things to say. He always makes me feel better. I also taked to Michael this evening. We haven't really got to see much of each other lately. I haven't seen him since Tuesday. It was a little after 5 and he said he just got home from work and was going to work on his truck. He wants to see me this weekend. Good- I hope. I've felt so shitty this week that I haven't wanted to see anyone- when I don't feel good I'm the exact opposite of most people. Most people want someone to take care of them and fix them Chicken Noodle Soup. I'm the exact opposite and Michael knows it- I want him no where near me when I don't feel good. I've always been that way.

Well- I'm heading to bed.

Hope everyone has an awesome Easter!
A

Busy, Busy

OMG! I've been so busy today. It's never like this on a Wednesday at work, but I guess since I was out on Friday and Monday it's a little crazy around here. Students are registering for courses right now so they are all in this hectic, busy mode. Crazy!

I got a new coordless mouse today. It's really cool. It even has a base that you sit it on to charge! Awesome! (Little Things Amaze Me!)

If y'all haven't seen my 'What I Want' post below, check it out. This is something that I am going to keep up with. I'm really excited about it.

The pain medacine (Hydrocodon) that the dentist gave me is killing me. It makes me so drowsy. Yesterday at work I was having the hardest time keeping my eyes open. At 4 O'Clock I thought I was going to pass out. I couldn't leave because we car-pool. At 4:30 I went over to my moms office and laid on the floor. It was awful. I haven't taken any pain meds since 4 this morning other then some Advil and I'm feeling fine. I can't wait for my stitches to dissolve, I can feel them back there with my tounge and its driving me nuts! I go to the Oral Surgeon tomorrow for a check up. Y'ay

Last night was almost a disaster. My parents had come and got me Monday night because with the pain meds. I'm not supposed to drive. So yesterday when we got to their house after work my parents had some place to be and my brother was going to take me home. Since I wasn't feeling good I really wanted to go get in my own bed. Well, when we got there my brother wasn't there. We waited 30 minutes until he finally got home. Him and Michael were somewhere together. Scott just assumed I wouldn't mind feeling like shit and have to sit around my parents house. WRONG! I was so pissed you could probably see fire in my eyes. He wanted to stay at my parents and work on something and said he would take me home later. I, being the nice person I am, made the best of it. I played with the dogs until Beth rescued me around 7:30. She took me thru the drive-thru and then home to watch American Idol. Can't say I'm very fond of anything Queen ever sang.

Tonight is going to be the same drab, boring stuff. I have to go straight to school when I leave work to sign up for Summer and Fall courses. FUN FUN! I hate planning the rest of my year this far in advance. Oh well. After the Fall Semester I will only have 3 more classes to take until I complete my Associates degree. Yippee!

Fantastagirl- I haven't forgot about e-mailing your back. Last night when I thought about it, I had already ate dinner and didn't want to venture on the scale. I swear I will do it tonight- food in my belly or not!

~A

What I Want...

I've decided to do a post on things that I want to know, do or see. The following post is going to be about things that I want to know, see or do. This post will be a way for me to set goals and stick to them. I plan on posting this and coming back to it in 3 months, 6 months, a year, etc. and see how far I've come in my master plan to do the things I want and accomplish the goals I've set!

Here are the rules:
-There are no time frames set. This means I don't have to do it in a month or 2, not even a year. Just whenever....thats when I plan on doing it!
-There is not limit on the number. Yes, thats right-there is no limit to the number of things I can put on my list.
-There must be descriptions of every event, wish, idea, thing I put on my list. Each description has to detail exactly what I wish to happen.

Here we go-

1. Loose Weight
I need to loose about 75 lbs. to be considered healthy. I intend to do just that. I have a great partner in Fantastagirl, and together we will overcome being chunky! Girl Power! :-)

2. Finish my Associates Degree
I've never lost track of this, as I have been working on it non-stop since I graduated from High School in 2004. The only hurdle I've come across recently is finding courses that are offered when I can take them. I am going to take courses at a different community college this summer and transfer them into the college I'm currently going to- one way or another I will finish this degree and get to work on my bachelors degree.

3. Repaint my Hallway
Pam and I had a conversation about this over the weekend. Right now my hallway is a princess pink color with sponge painted purple and blue daises. Without a doubt, this is adorable! However, I would like a change. I want to paint the whole hallway white and put pale blue and purple stripes. I want each stripe to be about 4-5 inches wide and evenly spaced apart. I know this will not be an easy task, but Pam and I have decided that we are capable and we will do it!

4. Finish my Bathroom
I have the oldest, ugliest bathroom in the world. It's got white walls, but about 1/2 way up the wall are hideous blue and black tiles. I hate them! I have to figure out a color or something to paint the upper portion of the wall to take away from the hideous tiles. I tired a busy shower curtain, but I didn't like it. I ended up buying this pretty plain white shower curtain with a design on it in all white. It's really 'crisp' and clean looking in there, I just have to figure out what to do with those walls.

5. Re-Arrange my Bedroom and LEAVE it for more then 2 months!
I really want to re-arrange my bedroom. I want to be able to sit in my living room and look back the hallway into my bedroom and see nothing. I want it to look spotless. Right now my bed comes out in the middle of the room where my door is. It's not bad, but I have to make my bed everyday, otherwise the entire room looks trashed. I've got to figure out something to do with my computer desk so it all fits nicely in my bedroom.

6. Let GO of my Flaws!
I tend to be a little to hard on myself sometimes. I really really liked who I was when I was a happy 135-140. Lately, I feel like I have been hating my self. I don't like that feeling at all. I feel lazy and ugly a lot, and thats rare for me. I am generally very outgoing.

7. Get out of this "relationship"
Thats right, I want to get as far away from Michael as possible. I was walking to lunch and thinking, I control my destiny and I really need to start exercising my right to control it. I have a lot going for myself and I really want to continue on the positive track I'm on. I feel like remaining in a relationship that is emotionally stressful is to much for me right now. I have enough stress on me with work, school and being a young adult, I don't need him too. I love him, but I think that right now our lives are in different places. I'm in college, working full time, driving a brand new car and living on my own. He works full time, drives a ratty truck and a new Harley, barely makes enough money to pay his bills, lives with his parents, is in credit card debt like nobody I've ever seen, and has no real intentions of changing his life. My usual plans for the weekend consist of homework, studying, cleaning house, family vacations, hanging out or shopping with friends, washing my car ect. His weekend plans are to catch up on sleep and get drunk. SO NOT ME!

8. Pay off My Debts
I don't have a lot of debt, but I don't like debt at all (who does?) so I don't want to be in it at all! I have 2 credit cards that in total I owe $1000 on, I have medical bills from when I went to the emergency room in Jan. that total $800 and I owe my parents around $300. I want to pay, pay, pay until I owe no more! When I get my taxes back this year, I bought stuff I needed and paid my parents money I owed them. I was in the hole with them around $800 and I got it down to $300. I'm making steps! :-) The loan for my new car is in my brothers name and I am the second one on it. In the next 2 weeks, (probably next week) I am going to go to the credit union and apply for a loan so I can refinance it in my name only. He wants to buy a house in December when his girlfriend moves down, and I am afraid with my car on his credit, they won't let him get a loan to buy a $130,000 house. I would hate to hold him back, he's been good to me!

9. Organize my life & my surroundings better
I am quite obsessive about some things. Like I hate clutter. I like to have everything put away. My general rule of thumb is "If it doesn't have a place, find one or throw it out". My mom laughs at how much of a freak I am about cleaning now, because when I lived with her I was quite the opposite. I have Rubbermaid containers of stuff from when I was a child in her basement. I really need to go through these things, organize and throw out. I hate to do it because some of that stuff is hard to part with.

10. Re-evaluate My Choices
I know this is a really broad topic, but I didn't know exactly how to title it. I have been having a hard time with this one. What I mean by this topic is, to make a plan and be sure its what I want. I need to re-evaluate some of my decisions and be sure they are what I want and what I need. This is such a confusing topic. Let me see if I can explain it more. I am friends with Rebeka who is 26. I am 20. Generally when it comes to me and my friends age isn't an issue. But with Rebeka it is. She treats me like I am her daughter or something. She acts like its her job to tell me what to do and how to do it. I don't feel like I should have to 'put up' with a friend like this, but in the same hand its not that bad. Maybe I just need to call her out on it next time she does it and tell her I don't like it. Like when we went to the beach at the end of March, when we got back she sent my Mom an e-mail, and in the e-mail she wrote "Ashley was good this weekend." That aggravates the crap out of me. Also, she doesn't invite me to hang out with her. Like this weekend, they had a party at her house. The theme of the party was Easter and it sounded like fun, but she didn't invite me. I asked my mom why she thought that was and we both came to the conclusion that it was my age. I don't mind that I wasn't invited, especially since I had my teeth yanked out, but this happens quite frequently. Another good example would be Beth. I love her to death and we have been friends forever, but her immaturity gets on my last nerve sometimes. She is so fake about things. She has to have name brand and she doesn't think sensibly. The good thing about her is when I think she is making a mistake I can tell her about it and she will take my opinion in mind. It doesn't mean she will use it, but she will atleast accept it and think about it. I don't want to sound like a bitch, but I was raised to be intelligent, independent, and smart about the ways of the world. I hate it when people think that 'everything will work out' without any work at all. SOAPBOX ENDED!

This is still very much under construction and I will be coming back to it frequently. Stay Tuned!

I'm Here!

Hey Everyone,

I'm here! I feel like suck a slacker since I have been MIA since last Thursday. Of course, as you all know- I had my wisdom teeth removed on Friday and I've been in a funk all weekend. I don't know what it is.

Anyway, it seems like I have some updating to do.

First, thank you Fantastagirl for giving me the 'Indie Virus'. It seems to have given me a few new readers.

I will be updating my Blogroll tomorrow at work with:

The Family Life- Heather is Beth's sister over at 'In My Shoes'. I am so excited to have Heather as a new reader. I must admit, I have visited her blog before but never commented. I will now comment- I promise!

Jaw's Was A Lady- I haven't read this blog yet, but I plan on checking it out tomorrow while I'm at work. (Of course while I'm taking a much needed break!) Thanks for the comment Jaws!

I believe thats all the new readers I have aquired. I always love to get comments from everyone! Keep them coming!

As for my weekend?

Well, Friday was terrible as you could imagine. My 'extraction' was scheduled for 7:45 and being the stickler for time that I am, we arrived at 7:30. Of course, I had to sign a gazillion papers. The finally took me back at 8 am. The put me on laughing gas and started hooking me up to heart monitors, etc. After they put the IV in with the actually anestesia, I don't remember a thing. I was in the car on the way home by 8:30. I have to admit that I was terrified Thursday night and didn't sleep well at all. I had really mentally prepared my self for the worst. It wasn't bad at all. When they woke me up I was so out of it that it took me a while to get all my thoughts in order. I had to get out of the chair I was laying in and get into a wheel chair, then they wheeled me to the car and helped me get in. They had stuffed my mouth with guaze to keep the bleeding sustained. We live an hour from the oral surgeon. We stopped at CVS on the way home for some pain meds. and my dad dropped me off at my apartment to Pam. Most of Friday morning is a blur. I do remember that I hadn't realized that it wouldn't hurt to swallow, but since my mouth was numb- I couldn't tell when I was drooling. Well, for some reason I looked down and blood came running out my mouth and all over my shirt. I was trying to change it and blood started running down my chest and I started crying. I was so aggrivated. Thank goodness for my best friend Pam. She came to the rescue. She grabbed a tissue and started wiping up the blood and helped me get clean clothes on. I just sat on the floor and cried for a while. It was awful to feel helpless. After the numbness started wearing off I was feeling much better. However, I didn't follow the directions on the pain medication and I didn't eat when I took them. It upset my stomach and I was in the bathroom puking up blood and peeing my pants. TMI I know. She was there for me agian. I have to say when you aren't feeling well and you really need someone to be there for you, there is nothing like good friends and your really find out who they are.

After my Dad got off work, he came and stayed with me. He spent the night on a blow up mattress on my livingroom floor Friday and Saturday night. He was great with me. My mom was so worried, but he really did a good job. I have to say Saturday was the best day. I felt fine other then the fact that I couldn't eat normal food. Sunday was a bit more painful, and today was even worse. They say its a normal part of the healing process. I should loose some weight since I've only been eating soup and mashed potatoes! It really wasn't that bad and I even got to spend some quality time with my Dad that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world!

I have more updating to do, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. It's already 11 and I'm going back to work tomorrow. Gotta get some sleep.

Night!

Today's My Friday!

Wow- the week is already almost over for me! Y'ay!

I am here at work today. Yesterday was a crappy day to say the least. I woke up feeling like I was run over by some large tractor trailer. I didn't sleep good at all, and that's rare for me. I woke up almost every hour. It was terrible. I felt like I didn't get a bit of sleep. I came to work with the intention of working all day, but at 1 O'clock I thought I was going to pass out. I left and came home. Normally I would call Michael and tell him I was on my way home, but for some stange reason I didn't. I got home at 2 and went straight to bed. I got up around 6 feeling much better. I met my brother and Pam and Corey at Applebee's for supper. After supper I stopped by Pam and Coreys to play with the puppies for a bit, then headed home to watch American Idol. I was in bed by 9:30, but I again was having a terrible time sleeping. I even took a tylonel PM before I went to bed, and I still couldn't sleep. UGH! I must have woke up 20 times and looked at the clock last night. I think I am stressing out about having my wisdom teeth taken out tomorrow morning.

I called Michael last night around 9 and he didn't answer, so I left him a message. He hasn't called me back yet. Humm. We'll see. He is a lot like me and will go home and go straight to bed, especially since his work closes at Noon on Wednesdays. (Lucky Duck) The good news is that he is hanging out with Duncan again and not that pot head guy he was hanging out with. Makes me feel a lot better.

I have class tonight and then I am going home to clean house a bit and get my stuff together. My Mom is going to PA with my brother this weekend to visit the girlfriend. Someone has to ride with him because he falls asleep and they are leaving tonight. My Dad can't get Friday off from work and I am having my surgery- so Mom is the candidate. They are leaving tonight, so I am going to spend some father/daughter time with my Dad and spend the night over there. I have to be at the Oral Surgeons by 7:45 for my surgery, then my Dad is bringing me back to my house. Should be fun! He has to go to work after her brings me to my house. Beth is off tomorrow so she is going to sit with me all day. My mom suggested Michael sitting with me, but he mentioned the other night that he had Friday off because they are having a huge car show at the Lowe's Motor Speedway and he has tickets. I would hate to ask him to cancel his plans, so I recruited Beth. Now I just have to figure out how to get my car from my parents house to my house on Friday evening! Joy! It's not a big deal because I won't need it until Saturday, but I also don't let just anyone drive my car. I think I can get Michael and Sean to bring it to me.

OK. Enough of a boring post. I don't participate in Halk Naked Thursday's so I decided I will post something different this week.

Here are some products that I use on a daily basis in my home and I absolutely love. These come highly reccomend by ME!

Tide w/ a touch of Downy Softner

I love this stuff! I can smell the Downy plain as day on the clothes. I washed the bed sheets in it the other day and it left them with an awesome fresh scent!

Victorias Secret- Coconut Temptation Body Lotion & Spray

I bought this stuff the other day. Victoria's Secret has their proudcts 6 for $30, so of course i bought 3 different lotions and the sprays to match all for only $30. LOVE IT! This stuff smells like tanning lotion, but it has this awesome summer feeling to it. It's great!

Nike Air Run Dual-D

I bought these and the blue ones they have in the Men's dept. (Its a real bright blue). I got both pair for $100. They are super comfortable and great for walking. Not to mention they are cute! I love the Nike Shox, but I already bought a pair of them this year, so I have to hold off until next year, they're to expensive at $100 a pair!

Bath & Body Works Spring Totes

This thing rocks! It's huge! I only paid $25 for it. Beth spend $20, so the tote was only $25. I can put my school books in it and carry it anywhere easily.

Can y'all tell pink is my favorite color?

What are your favorite household items? Spill Ladies!

Spring Fever

Don't know where all my enegy come from today, but I am sure glad I have it!

I had to go to the Gyno. this morning for my yearly exam. I asked to change my birth control because I hate taking a pill everyday. She gave me the Nuva Ring. It's different, but I am going to try it. Anything has to be better then remembering to take a pill. I used to be really good at taking the pill, but I'm not anymore. Most of time I am so busy with school and work that I forget about it. If I had the same routine everyday it might work better for me, but I really don't have a routine either.

I started cleaning my closets out a little while ago. I've gotten pretty far, but decided I needed to take a break to blog. I'm bad!

I am going through all my clothes and getting rid of the stained ones. Of course, I'm not getting rid of any of the clothes that don't fit- I am putting them away with my winter clothes. I am going to start dieting. I did Weight Watchers a couple of years ago and I lost 45 lbs. I was a hottie! Ha ha. I gained it all back and then some. I am going to do it again, and I see that Fantastagirl is doing it to.....may be I have a weigh in buddy?? You up to it Fantastagirl? I'm not going to go to the meetings, because I can't afford it- but I am going to do it on my own. I'm also reading Dr. Phils 'Ultimate Weight Solution' and it helps with the motivating process. Ha ha.

When I get done cleaning my closets, I am going to clean out the computer desk. I feel like moving furniture around today. Who knows- I might make my living room look different or something- I need a change!

I wish I had my camera so I could take pictures of my newly organized closets. It's still at my parents house. Bummer!

Nothing new to report on the Michael side, so far everything is fine. Below I've posted a picture of us at the beach 2 years ago. This is a terrible picture of me. He was watching tv (love the remote?) and I was asleep. Mom walked in and yelled my name to get my attention to take a picture- and this is what she got. Yes, we are wearing the same shirt, just different colors. Boys- this is why you don't ask your girlfriends what you should wear! He doesn't mind if we match, but he won't wear the same colors, they must be different colors, thats his only rule. LOL.

Thanks for the prayers!
Ashley

Feeling 'Better'

Here's my update.

He called at 10:30. He told me 11:30, but I can't complain- it was an hour early. I had just got home from Wal-Mart and I was hanging a shelf in my bathroom- which might I add is adorable! Anyway, I walked 2 miles yesterday and I had sweated, we rode around with the car windows open so my hair looked like a mop- and he calls an hour early. My plan was to take a shower and wait for him to call AFTER I hung the shelf, but nope. I had to go just as I was when he called. I guess he loves me because he didn't say a word about the fact that I looked atrocious.

He, of course was on his bike. He sat on it for a bit and smoked a cigarette. It was so uncomfortable at first- but it didn't take long to get the conversation flowing. He was sitting in the passengers seat and I looked at him with tears in my eyes (always makes guys weak) and I asked him if something was wrong would he tell me? He looked at me for a minute, and I blurted out "I love you". He sat there for what seemed like an eternity and tears started rolling down his cheeks. He said (this is as close to a direct quote as I can get)- "I love you to. I don't think anything is wrong. Why are you crying?" I think he thought I was going to tell him some secret or something. I said "I can't do this anymore, spending 10 weeks away from you made me realize that I'm not that important in your life- I need somebody who makes me feel important" He told me that he loved me and that he wanted to be happy with me and that he just felt like his life was so crazy right now and he needed to get control of it. He also said that he was glad he had stability in me and that he knew I was his 'crutch'. I told him that I was worried he was using drugs- and he swore to me he wasn't. He told me he would go take a drug test today. That made me think he was serious. I told him I wanted him to be honest with me.

He told me he transferred back to the place 15 minutes from home that he worked at before he transferred to the job he currently works at. He put his notice in Friday and he is counting the days until he is out of there. It's a nice place to work, but I am glad he's coming back closer to home. The long hours are killing him and the wages aren't worth it with the price of gas. He car pools with the pot heads neighbor- another good reason to get outta there. He is also taking classes this summer.

We sat in the parking lot talking from 11 until 1:30 this morning. I told him that I was tired and needed to go to bed. Thank goodness I didn't have to be at work until 1 today. He told me that he didn't want me to go- that he needed to spend time with me. It started raining so he took is motorcycle home and he rode back to my house with me. We laid in bed until 5:30 this morning just talking.

I don't know if letting him come up there to stay was the right decision or not. I have to re-evaluate this and see where I am. I am not sure I even know. I did ask him how he lost all the weight, he is running at the local high schools track at 6 every morning for a mile. I believe him- and thats not always easy to do.

Maybe I jumped to conclusions. I understand that just because he came over last night doesn't mean we are good again. This "relationship" needs a lot of work- and it's possible that it isn't worth trying to hard for.

He did say that when I called him he was relieved. He said that he wanted to see me and talk to me. He even rode by my house on Thursday (my landlord mentioned that someone was parked out from that looked like him). He said that he was afraid to call or come by when he created this space between us and he didn't want to push my buttons anymore. He didn't know if I would slam the door in his face or greet him with a hug. He admitted that he was wrong and promised me that he won't do it again. I told him that my belief is that when 2 people are in a committed relationship they don't disappear for weeks. In all reality, he didn't disappear. We just quit contacting one another, I knew where he was the whole time and he knew where I was.

We will work through this, I have confidence. It's going to be rough.

OK- So I did it....

I called him. First let me tell you how my day went.

Went straight to bed last night after I posted Weekend Plans! I of course, remembered to turn my clocks ahead....some people did not. (I'll get to that later) Pam and Corey called at 9:30 and I got up and met them at Bojangles with Beth at 10. We all ate, then Beth and I ran by her parents house so her step dad could work on her car. We went to Michael's house, because remember in yesterdays post I said we we're gonna go to church with Sean and his parents? Well, the forgot about the time change, so church was cancelled. I did get some useful information. Michaels dad mentioned that he probably froze his ass off because he rode his Harley to the University (where I work) for a keg party last night. Interesting. But I know who had the party- nothing big. Anyway, he never emerged from his room the entire time we were there, kind good for me- I was nervous to see him for the first time in 10 weeks, I was afraid I would start crying like a big friggin' baby. Beth and I left there around Noon and went to wash my car. Then, we drove the 30 miles to the dealership to have the oil changed (it's free because its still under warranty). After we finished there we went and did some shopping. We finally got back to my parents house around 4:30. My dad and my brother both have motorcycles, so we went riding with them- it was sooo pretty out today and my mom didn't want to ride because she had work to do for her job. Anyway, we're riding- me with my dad, and Beth with Scott. We are getting ready to turn down some road, and Scott flys into this gas station- so of course, Dad follows. Who is there on their bike? Michael. It was kinda funny because I was wearing all my riding stuff he bought me and I am sure he noticed. One thing I noticed about him was he looked like he lost 30 lbs., a good sign he is probably doing something illegal. Anyway, he talked to my brother for a bit, and he even mentioned going riding one night after work this week- which I thought was strange, because if he is doing something Scott wouldn't approve of - he usually stays away from him. (Scott will just tell him what he thinks if he finds out Michael's doing drugs) Anyway, as we were leaving he looked at me with that puppy dog face he had and waved goodbye, I didn't know what to do and I was fiddling with my helmet to get it on, so I just acted like I didn't see him.

When we got back to my parents house, Beth and I took the dogs for a walk. It was really nice. Then we came home. When I got to my house, I was so frustured with seeing him I thought I was gonna cry. My mind was going a hundred miles an hour. Ever since, anything I eat comes out some way. (Sorry TMI) This is how I get when I am worried about something. I contemplated just taking a Tylonel PM and going to bed, but decided against it. I went and walked the 1 mile block around my apartment to try and clear my head. It helped a little bit.

I finally got the nerve up to call him around 8 pm. He answered on the second ring, I of course privated my number so if he didn't answer he wouldn't know it was me. He knows me so well, he probably assumed it was me. We actually talked for a few minutes. I told him that I wanted to talk to him about something that was important to me and asked him if he would be willing to meet me somewhere. We agreed that he would try to meet me around 11:30 when he left his friends house (the drug user). He said he would call when he left. I'm not holding my breath- I've heard this before.

There is good news though. He didn't know I was getting my wisdom teeth out this coming Friday, but had heard through the 'grapvine' that I was having surgery so he asked if everything was ok. I asked him why his ex called him and he said she just wanted to know how he was doing. No harm- I asked when she was getting married and he said 'I think it coming up pretty soon, not sure.' He's a man- I didn't expect him to know the date or even the time! Ha ha.

I guess what matters is it sounds like he is willing to talk. I don't know what I am going to say- hopefuly everything that comes flying out of my mouth sounds right. I'm nervous.

Right now I am waiting on Beth and Steve to get here and we are going to Wal-Mart to get some plastic storage totes so I can put up my winter clothes and organize my closet. (This is how I get when I am worried about something.)

I will definately post either late tonight or tomorrow when I go to work.

I have no idea if he will even call. If the past is a predictor of the future, there is a good chance he won't call.

I don't know anymore.

Michael's Harley and my old Honda at Bike Week last year.

Weekend Plans!

I promised I would update y'all on my weekend plans as I always do, but since the weekend is darn there over- I have to tell you what I did!

Friday night after work I went to my parents house. We went to this really nice steakhouse to eat dinner with my Aunt and Uncle. It was nice to get to spend time with my family, we don't get a chance to do that very often. On my way home, I stopped at Pam and Corey's for about an hour - and finally came home around Midnight and hopped in bed. (Of course, it was after I typed that forever long post!)

Tonight I threw a suprise party for Beth at my house. She had a birthday on Thursday and I wanted to do something nice for her. Kinda bummed me out though. She didn't know about it and was very suprised, but she acted sooo ungrateful. She didn't even say thank you. My mom helped me fix spaghetti for 10 people and we all ate, then we had cake and ice cream. It was very nice and simple. I ordered her a marble cake from Wal-Mart and it was really good. After they ate, she rode home with her boyfriend because he came straight from work and needed to change clothes. They we're gone for an hour and a 1/2. When they got back she proclaimed that they 'did it'. First, it pissed me off that she left her own party, and second- we all didn't need to know that! UGH!

Anyway- tonight didn't turn out all bad. Sean (Michael's brother) came over. I wanted to ask him in the worst way about Michael, but I wanted to keep it strictly on the party and not get to thinking about that. He did say that Michaels girlfriend from waaaaaayyy back called Michael a couple days ago. Sounds strange to me, she is supposed to get married in May. I don't know, and it's not my business. When I first heard him say it, I have to admit- it bothered me, but then I was like- whatever!

I think I am going to go with Beth's advice on yesterday's post and call him tomorrow evening. I am just going to ask him if he can meet me to talk. I think it would be better if we could meet face to face and just talk. I don't want him to think I am just doing the "right thing" by calling him, I want him to see that I really do care. We'll see. I might chicken out.

Sean mentioned tonight that he is going to go to church with his Mom tomorrow, and ironically enough, Beth and I were planning on going. So, I thought we could stop by there after church and maybe "run into" Michael. Not that I would be able to talk to him in that setting, but atleast I would get to see how hes doing.

I think I can honestly say that I am out of it emotionally to a point. I can't say that I don't care because I obviously do- and it takes a long time to get over a realtionship that is this long, but I talked to my mom about it and she said something that really made me feel better, she said "Well Ashley, just be glad you see this side of him now. At least you didn't marry him and then see it." She's right, at least I didn't get in to deep. I really thougt I knew everything about him after almost 6 years, but I guess I was wrong.

I promise my posts will get better and not so sad and boring!

Don't forget clocks 'Spring Forward' tonight- 1 hour! Woo hoo!

-A

It's a brand new day!

About

About Me

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Archives

Blogs I ♥

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Weekends Over...

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Sleepy and Stuff

Friday, April 28, 2006

What to do....

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Favorite Things & I HATE rain!

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

What A Week!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

It's done...

I'm Working On It...

Monday, April 24, 2006

New Stuff & I'm Taking A Poll

Sunday, April 23, 2006

CAUTION: Deep Thinking Ahead!

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Excuse Yesterdays Rant

Teeny Bit Upset

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Good Night- FINALLY!

I'm Soooooo Scared

Favorites & Today SUCKS!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Meme and More!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Update to 'What I Want' and More...

Monday, April 17, 2006

My Drama SUCKS!

Favorite Things (Making up for Thurs.)

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Happy Easter (Weekend Rundown)

Friday, April 14, 2006

Weekend's Here!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Crazy, Crazy Day!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Busy, Busy

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

What I Want...

Monday, April 10, 2006

I'm Here!

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Today's My Friday!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Spring Fever

Monday, April 03, 2006

Feeling 'Better'

Sunday, April 02, 2006

OK- So I did it....

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Weekend Plans!