It's a brand new day!

It's done...

I went and got my hair done this afternoon. I always spend money when I'm upset about something. It looks good though, of course my mom is going to have a cow- she hates it when I mess with the color of my hair. I got red and blonde highlights. I like it.

I decided that if I was going to do it- I needed to make sure we we're face to face. I didn't have a plan, I just left the beauty shop and headed there. I got there right at 5, and by 5:15 he was there. I was standing in the kitchen getting a drink when he came in. I asked him if he was planning on coming up tonight, and he said "No, I'll tell you why." I immediately wanted to know why, but he told me that since his little sister was there- he would rather step outside. We walked outside and around the house to the front porch. We sat down and he got this look on his face. He told me that he doesn't want to do this anymore, that when we we're talking on Thursday night he realized that this was something he needed to do. We've been together to long and he can't give me what I want right now, he told me that he doesn't see it going anywhere and he would like to end it. I am so proud of myslef because I didn't shed a tear. We sat there and talked and he said he wanted to maintain our friendship because we've always had a great one. He also said he wanted to wait 2 weeks before we tried to talk again, to give it time. The only thing that makes me mad is he beat me to it! We we're thinking the same thing and he beat me to it! I really feel good about it. I am very glad he still wants to maintain our friendship, and I definately think it is something we are both very capable of. He told me that he loves me and he always will, I think thats the point where I wanted to start crying. He had really done some thinking and he said he just feels like he's wasting my time.

I'm excited that I don't have to worry about it anymore. I feel like he has freed me from worrying. I know I will still worry, but at least I heard it from him. You know what I mean?? He was my world for the last 5 1/2 years, those were the most impressionable years of my life, he will always matter to me.

Well, I am sure I will cry myself to sleep tonight and a couple other nights this week- but before long it will be over and I will be ok!

-A

posted by Ashley at 7:56 PM