It's a brand new day!

I'm Having A Dilemma...

Seriously- I'm having a dilemma in my head. I watched 7th Heaven tonight. (Only 2 episodes left) It got me thinking about being friends with an ex. Simon's soon to be wife has an ex coming to the wedding. They are both perfectly OK with this. I wonder if thats really possilbe?

Last Tuesday when Michael and I talked I told him that one thing that was important to me coming out of our relationship is our friendship. We had an amazing friendship that started our relationship. I don't blame him or I as to why our relationship fell apart, but I blame myslef for dating him and putting a strain on our friendship. In the beginning we we're such good friends, and when I was falling for him I kept telling myslef 'No-I will screw up our friendship'. I held him off for a year and I finally couldn't take it anymore- I fell for him. Now that we are no longer a couple, I want to maintain a friendship. I fear that maintaining a friendship is going to be a lot harder then I think. He agreed that it was something he valued and definately wanted to continue. He has always been my rock. He's not like all my 'girlfriends'- when I would get into it with my dad, I could call him and he would be there. It never mattered what time, if it was midnight or later and I called him crying he would sit on the phone and listen to me. He's always been my best friend, long before he was my boyfriend and I fear losing that. He has never told my secrets and he knows them all. He never talks bad about me or puts me down. He's always been that stability as far as a true friend goes.

Now I struggling with the fact of keeping this friendship. I wonder if it's really worth it? I hate to walk away from him as my friend, and I definately don't want to be cold towards him when we see eachother in a public setting, but I also fear that trying to have a friendship is going to be more work then its worth. Does that make sense?

I fear that I love him to much to be his friend.

posted by Ashley at 9:17 PM