It's a brand new day!

Decisions, Decisions....I've got all weekend!

WOW! I feel really lucky to have Beth & FantastaGirl as blogging friends. They are both very good 'readers' and they always seem to give me a little direction. If you haven't read my post from yesterday, you should probably read it and all the comments before you read this post. It's titled I've got some explanin' to do...

I think I mis-stated how long we have been together, I meant to say we've been together 5 and 1/2 years, and November 26, 2006 will be 6 years. Hope that clears up any confusion.

Anyway, FantastaGirl told me this story about her sister that made me realize that people who use drugs aren't the same people they were before they began using. I don't know her sisters situation personally, but I believe hugs are in order. That sounds like an extremely painful and scary sitation that continues to 'follow' her.

I don't think it's to late to help Michael if he is involved with drugs. At the earliest he could have started using drugs in Janurary, but I highly doubt it was anytime before that because we we're basically together all the time. I have an Uncle that abused drugs all my life, so I am generally privy to the signs. (He's my Mom's brother, but she hasn't spoken to him since I was 6 years old because she does not agree with his lifestlye and he refuses to get help).

I don't want this blog to be all rants, I want it to be fun too. I had intended to play SPF this week, but I got home to late to take a picture of my washer and dryer- and I left my camera at my parents house! Boo. Maybe next week!

Anyway, I really want to help Michael or just tell him that I am here and I will support him if he is willing to get help, but I have this ego that says 'I don't want to go running to him to try to save him, especially if he is going to deny it'. I have this giant fear of looking stupid. I really just want to call him and ask him to meet me somewhere so we can talk, so I can just tell him how I'm feeling. I don't know- this is all so confusing to me.

We have been having problems for so long that it seems like I started emotionally shutting down a long time ago, and now I know its right to let go and walk away, but I don't want to let go without him knowing exactly how I feel. I've told him a gazillion and one times, but this is the first time I have ever suspected drugs. We've never been this seperate or alienated from each other since we started hanging out 6 years ago. This is like unchartered waters for us.

Several weeks ago I was talking to Duncan about this, and he told me that he has seen Michael "stoned" in the past 2 months. Duncan has no reason to lie to me about Michael, nor do I think he would. Another 'tall tale' sign that he is doing this is the fact that he has this 'I don't care attitude' all of a sudden. He used to be very conscious about money and things of that nature, but now all of a sudden nothing matters, who cares if a bill is late? What's it matter? He has lost a lot of his personality too. He used to be more outgoing, but lately I've noticed that he's more reserved.

At first, I thought it was just me being paranoid- but one day he was at my parents house and when he left my mom told me his eyes looked bloodshot, but I just brushed it off because he was working long hours at the time, but now it seems like his eyes are bloodshot all the time.

I'm really scared. I would walk away because he's a 'Big Boy' and he needs to handle his own problems, but I don't want to regret it later.

What do I have to loose if I call him and tell him that I think we should talk?

I think I will call him Sunday night. I have to think about it though. I've got to think about what I am going to say without sounding like I am nagging or being pushy.

I'm going to bed. I will update y'all on my weekend plans tomorrow.

Thanks for the encouragement!
Ashley

posted by Ashley at 12:15 AM