It's a brand new day!

Aggrivation!!!

Before I begin this post, I have to tell you that this is my 2nd post today. Be sure to read all about my thoughts and American Idol below!

Ok, I had to type a post on this topic before I blew my lid.

I am so aggrivated. I had the hardest time going to sleep last night because this was thinking non-stop. I am more aggrivated at my self then anything else. I have several aggrivatoins....

First, my dad. He was away with my mom all weekend and I haven't got to see him since last Wednesday I think. Thats pretty long for me when I am used to seeing him quite a bit. Anyway, since we were both on seperate trips over the weekend I didn't get to see him. They came home yesterday, and I rode by there with Pam to pick up a book for school. I was in the driveway getting the book out of the car and I was in a big hurry so I didn't run in. He called me later and wanted to know why I didn't come in. Here's my question to you- why didn't he come out? It wasn't raining or anything, he could have walked out on the porch to say hello. Well, tonight I tell my mom I am going home after work because I am tired. She says 'Your father would like to see you, he hasn't seen you since last week.' Now, my mom and I are really close and I can tell her anything- so I do. Why can't he come to my house. I have lived here 9 months and I can count on one hand how many times he has come here. And he never comes to just visit. It's always either because I have had them for dinner, it's a holiday, or he has to pick up or drop something off. UGH! My mom decided that they should come take me to dinner tonight so he can see me and I don't have to drive there. More like a comprimise. Well, I talked to her about 20 minutes ago and he said he wan't sure. She would call me back when she knew something for sure. So here you go people, I am sitting here typing this post waiting for that very phone call....and waiting.


Second, Michael. I am aggrivated with myself about this one. It's been 10 weeks since we've been 'intimate' for lack of a better term! (Makes me sound so old & no I don't mark down when I have sex on a calendar I just remember! Don't make fun of me!!), and 3 weeks since we have spoken. You would think by now that he wouldn't be in my mind, but he is....seems like always! Last night when I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep I couldn't get him out of my head, I tossed and turned for an hour. Then it aggrivates me that on Sunday when I was at his house, I am sure he was there- he didn't come out to say hello or anything. It's not like we had a knock down drag out fight, we just quit speaking. Anyway, I have this constant urge to call him, but then I think- what would I say when he answered the phone? What if I say something I regret later? What if he says he's sorry? What if he doesn't answer? What if, what if, what if!?!?!?!? I hate this feeling, and I hate wondering all the time. I wish this would all go away. I have the perfect situation to let it go in. I don't talk to Duncan anymore and thats good because they were friends and I rarely see his brother. I also hate the fact that I wonder this about a person I used to be able to call and/or run to during my weakest moments. I hate it that we aren't comfortable with each other anymore, who am I kidding- I hate it that we're not us anymore.


OK, enough of my rant. I am going to cook dinner now, my mom just called and they are staying in tonight. Looks like I am cooking for one yet another night.....ugh!

Have a good one
~A

posted by Ashley at 6:30 PM