It's a brand new day!

I've got some explanin' to do...

OK, I have to admit, that I haven't told you the whole story about why Michael and I aren't speaking anymore. After I got Beth's comment today on my post from last night, I decided that I was being unfair by complaining about my aggrivation with Michael, but not telling you the whole story of why we are no longer talking.

You see- when this all happened I didn't blog about it because it hurt, but I think I am ready to talk! Whew, this feels better already.

Remember back a couple of weeks ago in the post 'Excitement & Tremendous Confusion'? Well, in that post I mention that Michael had called me at work that day for absolutely no reason, and during the course of our conversation he mentioned coming up the following Thursday? Well that following Thurday was March 2nd. That's where it all really begins.

I talked to him that day (March 2nd) and he said he had some things he had to do for a friend of his. I guess this friend did something for him and he had to repay him by laying some flooring in his house or something. Anyway, he said he wanted to come up the following Thursday for sure, March 9th.

Now, before you wonder why he only spends the night on Thursday nights, I will tell you. He works about 15 minutes from where I work which is an hour from his house and an hour and fifteen minutes from my house. We both have Fridays off (he has every Friday off, I have every other Friday off). It works out that we can stay up, enjoy eachothers company and get to spend some quality time together since I am so busy every other day of the week with work and school. He doesn't stay on Saturday nights because that's my night with my friends, its not that I want to exclude him- it's just that it's always been this way and I guess neither one of us cared enough to change it. I don't know.

Anyway, March 9th rolled around. I talked to him around lunch time and he said that he might have to work late that night and he didn't know what he was going to do. He assured me that when he knew for sure, he would call me. Thats the last time I talked to him. Today makes 3 weeks. I haven't seen him anywhere in 4 weeks, and he hasn't stayed here in 10 weeks. I know, I should be a math major with all these statistics! Ha ha.

Anyway, I did leave him a message late Thursday night (March 9th), but thats the only time I called him and the message was tasteful.

I said: 'Hey, it's me. It's 9:30 and I haven't heard from you. I'm guessing that means you aren't planning on seeing me tonight. You didn't have to lie to me. I don't lie to you and I don't deserve to be lied to.'

That's it. He hasn't tried to contact me at all. It worries me because thats very unlike him, and it scares me because of the people he is hanging out with. They aren't exactly good people. As far as I know they are into drugs. With my major being Communications with a concentration in Public Speaking and a specific emphasis on Substance Abuse, I am no fan of people like that. It worries me that something will happen to him and I won't get to say anything before its to late. I don't ever want to live with regrets. I hope that makes sense!??!??

I know that there is no 'other girl'. I can't explain it, but I have been with him for so long and I know when something is wrong. This is the 'I'm doing something that Ashley wouldn't like' kind of running he's doing, and it's not because he's seeing someone else. I seriously think he's trying to hide the fact that he is doing drugs or something of that nature.

I hate to sound like his mother or some constant worry wort, but since we started this rocky road- he has went totally south.

In the back of my mind, I think I sould call him and tell him that I am here for him if he ever needs to talk, I need to tell him that no matter what happens I will always love him, and that I will always stand behind him as long as he needs me. I really do think that he needs someone to listen to him and to help him. I know that people with problems like this can't be helped unless they want help, but I also believe that I am the only person he would confide in if he wanted help and it scares me that he might just be to proud to ask for it.

I am completely serious about all this. I don't want to sound like I am jumping to conclusions.

Help? Any advice? Fantastagirl- you are always good for some advice, and Beth- you seem to say stuff that makes me feel better.

I have only started blogging since all this started, and it has helped to have 'friends' that read my page and comment on a daily basis.

OK, well, I am going to bed. I should tell you that my parents came and took me to dinner last night. My dad changed his mind last minute and decided that he wanted to go out. I was just to lazy to go back and edit the post. I no sooner clicked on Publis post and my mom called and said they were coming over.

Have a good night-
Ashley

posted by Ashley at 10:15 PM