It's a brand new day!

Ok, I have to confess.....

Alright y'all- I have a confession to make.

I called Michael on Monday evening....Big mistake #1.

He answered and this is how the conversation went:
M: Hello
A: Hey, what are you doing?
M: Putting a 3 gauge cluster in Gary's Nova.
A: Oh, well I was just calling to see if everything is OK with us. (shouldn't have said this)
M: Yeah, why?
A: Well you said you would call me back 2 Thursdays ago and I haven't heard from you yet.
M: Well I've just been real busy.
A: Oh, well I will let you go. Call me when you leave there. OK?
M: OK

Alright, so I get off the phone and immediately feel like shit. Of course he was talking to me all business like because people were around. (I hate that, and I wish he could just be happy that I exist) Then, he never called me.

So I woke up Tuesday all pissed off because he didn't call me. I probably called him a zillion times on Tuesday, at least I did it from a private number.....That way it doesn't necessarily look like it was me calling.

Ok, so Tuesday was Valentines Day and he never called me, so I called him. Big Mistake #2....

I call him and leave him this message:
Hey, it's me- It's about 6:30. It seems like your avoiding me or something because you haven't called me back. I hope your not upset about anything. (why do I say dumb shit like this?) I hope you had a good day. Bye

Nothing, no call back. NOTHING people!

So Wednesday (yesterday) rolls around....No phone call. I make big mistake #3....
I call him from work around 2:30 yesterday afternoon.
Hey- I need you to call me when you get this. I am at work until 5. Bye

Alright, that was better- no mushy 'Don't hate me, bullshit!'

No phone call...Nothing. So I get home last night and I am sitting at my computer reading other blogs and I decided I am gonna call him, but I don't have my cell phone with me, so I call him from my house phone. Big Mistake #4......

He answers and we talk for a few before Duncan rings the doorbell. I can't remember word for word what the conversation was about, but I do know that I said something along the lines of 'when are you gonna come see me again?' and his response was 'when I am not so busy'. Then the doorbell rang and I had to get off the phone to answer it, so I told him to call me when he left his second job tonight....He said he would. He didn't.

Duncan and I left my house and headed straight for his house. Now, before you think I am going all stalker....His parents own a flooring business and I had to give them a check for the new floor my landlord has finally decided to put in my kitchen! Y'ay for the new floor!

Anyway, he comes home while we are there and we were cordial and it wasn't weird or anything. I just don't know though....I should be able to hug him good bye and kiss him hello, but he won't have any of it when anyone in a 5 mile radius in his home could see it. It's not that his parents don't like me cause they are always telling me how much they appreciate me and wish we would settle down together. My mom thinks its because the minute they find out we are 'together' again they pressure him to buy the ring. I know they have before, so that could be true....I don't know.

Anyway, remember me telling you that he had to work at his 2nd job last night? Well I told Duncan and he knows the guy Michael was talking about and he said he highly doubted it. Well....This so called 2nd job is on our way home, so we cruised by and no his truck didn't sit there. I am sure he lied....Its not like the guy would have cancelled him coming into work....He just lied...He is known for his lies....UGH!

So, Duncan says we should ride by his friends house and see if his truck is sitting there. Duncan swears he is into drugs with this friend, but when I mention it- he adimately denies it. I don't know what to believe. Anyway, we rode by there last night....And his truck sat there and you could see in the living room, he was just sitting on the couch watching the TV....why? I don't know ...... Maybe he was there getting his buzz....I HATE THIS. It makes me want to cry to know the man I loved for so many years is letting me down, that he is becoming or has become someone I never thought in a million years he would be. If he does have a drug problem, I want to help him before it's to late.

Well, this morning on my way to work I made Big Mistake #5....I called him....

I am not even gonna tell you what this one said. Lets just say it was like a 'Hey, call me back' message....

Y'all- I don't know what to do. I thought I was doing good and could avoid him. But I caved......It's so hard.

posted by Ashley at 8:04 AM